Thursday, May 12, 2016
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Lesson from Labor
with my fourth delivery I have learned some very significant lesson from the laboring and birthing of my babies. I wanted to record them.
Baby #1
Prayer
With our first baby on the way my husband and I prayed daily that our baby would be healthy and strong. That all would be well with her and she would have a safe arrival. Well fast forward to 37 weeks, I went into my doctor appointment and the doctor almost immediately was concerned upon seeing me. He said, you don't look big enough. (I was seeing a different doc, as mine was on vacation) I was use to hearing that I didn't look big enough, I had heard it my entire pregnancy. However as they began to investigate he was right, our little baby was in distress. I was sent to maternal fetal medicine and they found she had low fluid and all the blood was going to her brain, meaning that she was not getting enough. So I was schedule to be induced the next day. I was so worried, and in tears. As her birth came close tons of people filled my room. I think there were the normal one doctor, two nurses, and then about 4-5 additional people there to help the baby depending on what happen when she came out. The NICU had a place all ready for her. We were blessed that my mother who is a lactation consultant could be with us, and she has a wealth of knowledge about helping babies who are distressed. Amelia was born and looked so tiny, our little 4 pound 11 ounce daughter. My mom got her to me right away and got her to nurse right away. Then told us to do as much skin to skin holding that we can. And we did! One nurse said, "you should at lest put a onsie on that baby." we responded, "no we are just holding her on our skin and wrapping her in blankets." I guess they watch closely the blood sugar levels and babies temp to decide if they should go to NICU if all else is doing good. And guess what! She stayed with us, and never went! She came home on regular schedule, and gained weight beautifully. After a few days at home I realized our prayers had been answered. Although our baby had concerns, we were blessed with all of the doctors, nurses, my mom and medical help that helped her to have a safe arrival and to thrive after birth. My prayers had been answered, just not in the way I had imagined.
Baby #2
Sacrifice, knowledge.
With my second labor I learned about sacrifice. This one was my most challenging one. I was caught of guard and with little to no coping skills. I had planned to have an epidural like my first, but found my self with no time to get one. I had not taken refresher birthing classes and was so unsure if I was in labor until I was about to have the baby that it was all a mad painful rush to the hospital and until the delivery 20 minutes after I got to my room. At one point I thought I might pass out and literally felt like I was being torn in half. After our baby was born I was seriously considering not having any more children. I did not want to go through that again. So my lesson, preparation pays off, knowledge is invaluable. And carry and bring a life into this world is a sacrifice, one that can not be compared to sometimes.
Baby #3
Knowledge, support, belief, rewards of sacrifice, bonding.
Knowing how birth #2 went I prepared ten times more! I took refresher classes for labor, I sought out and hired a doula, I planned for a natural birth knowing i might have no other options.That all payed off big time! The knowledge i had i could draw on when i needed it and it gave me peace as well. The knowledge Amy had blessed me so much as things moved fast we had ideas already in our mind to help and guild us.
Support- knowing someone is there for you and will be by your side with you through the thick of things no matter how ugly things get, washes away so much of the pain and distress we can feel in labor or life. Knowing they are going to do all they can to help you, and wont just stand on the sidelines and watch you struggle.
Belief- Believe that you have been created to give life to these beautiful babies, believe you were created to do hard things. Believe you will be strengthened by God when you are about his work. These beliefs helped me to draw on the courage that I had inside me, and helped me draw strength from God in my most challenging moments.
Sacrifice and bonding- I believe through laboring and feeling all the parts of labor was a sacrifice, and when that little baby came, I bonded instantly with her. In my mind she and I had just given it our all so that she could come and be a part of our family here on earth. It reminded me of our cross country days when we would shed blood sweat and tears together working so hard and then sharing success as a team together. It bonded us so strongly. To me I had just ran the race of my life with these people who supported me and my sweat baby, and it bonds you! I always feel weird just saying goodbye to the nurses, doctors and support staff when it is all over, because i feel bonded with them :) But I believe it was meant to be hard to bond us to our baby and spouse, strengthening our family.
Baby #4
Our Savior is always there. Keep the faith, You are important!
With the pregnancy of baby #4 I pretty much felt broken for the whole pregnancy. I tried to do things to help, but nothing could quite over come the feeling of being broken that I had. It hit me hard at 8 weeks. I remember standing at the top of the stairs in our house and just having a flood of memories of the hard day i had already lived with previous pregnancies and young children with sleepless nights. I all the sudden thought, oh no, I remember this feeling. Feeling exhausted at the start of the day, not being able to remember much, having difficulty managing daily tasks.
Well the good thing is that I made it thought the pregnancy, but the lesson I learned is that I am important, I need to do things that sustain myself, not just enough to get by, or I'll do this for myself once X is taking care of. I need to purposefully and daily nourish my soul. I knew this, but I know it now in a much deeper level. All through the pregnancy I just tried to get by and make it through, but I know now, that I needed to do more. I could not make it through in a healthy way if I did not ask for help, and take time to do what I needed for me.
So now I TRY to get up early so I can take care of myself before my kids get up. At lest that is one of the step I am taking now. But the take away lesson. Make sure I am monitoring my needs and that I am taking time to meet them and ask for help when I need it. This life was not meant to be lived alone, but together, helping each other, loving, strengthening, and sustaining each other.
Believe you are a precious daughter of God, he loves you and wants you to know your worth it!
So second lesson, part way through the labor, I felt like my body was stalling, and all the techniques I had tried to help manage the labor and help it progress were not working, The pain kept increasing and I came to the point where I truly wanted to give up, I was done being brave, I was done trying to listen to my body and follow the signs, I was done trying new things to help the labor progress. I had asked for an epidural about 30 minutes before this, so I was on the bed being monitored, and hooked to the IV and other monitors. But the truth everyone in the room knew was, that was all done to pacify me, I was NOT really going to get an epidural, I was too far along. So here I was frustrated by all the rules and cords and doctor telling what I could and couldn't do. Frustrated by the people trying to encourage me to keep managing. I just started to cry and decided I was done. Time for plan B.
Thing is, in transition when you have a baby to be born there IS NO plan B. So probably about 20- 30 minutes of crying and screaming. I finally decided I better get back on this train, cause there was no other way out.
Now here is the lesson. My Doula was still there by my side, still encouraging me, still caring for me, even when I quit. And she was still there when I finally came back and got back on board. That is like our Savior. He is always there. He never leaves us, even when we turn away. He will be right there when we turn back to him. He will encourage us though our hard times and he is always there. He never walks away from us.
So believe in who you are, stay the course, keep the faith. You will be given power from on high to do things outside our power and ability.
Songs that had an impact on me during this time:Unmaking, fight song, Maker
Miscarriages: Life is precious, God is in control. The power to create life is sacred. Songs that had an impact on me during this time: Peace like a river
Baby #1
Prayer
With our first baby on the way my husband and I prayed daily that our baby would be healthy and strong. That all would be well with her and she would have a safe arrival. Well fast forward to 37 weeks, I went into my doctor appointment and the doctor almost immediately was concerned upon seeing me. He said, you don't look big enough. (I was seeing a different doc, as mine was on vacation) I was use to hearing that I didn't look big enough, I had heard it my entire pregnancy. However as they began to investigate he was right, our little baby was in distress. I was sent to maternal fetal medicine and they found she had low fluid and all the blood was going to her brain, meaning that she was not getting enough. So I was schedule to be induced the next day. I was so worried, and in tears. As her birth came close tons of people filled my room. I think there were the normal one doctor, two nurses, and then about 4-5 additional people there to help the baby depending on what happen when she came out. The NICU had a place all ready for her. We were blessed that my mother who is a lactation consultant could be with us, and she has a wealth of knowledge about helping babies who are distressed. Amelia was born and looked so tiny, our little 4 pound 11 ounce daughter. My mom got her to me right away and got her to nurse right away. Then told us to do as much skin to skin holding that we can. And we did! One nurse said, "you should at lest put a onsie on that baby." we responded, "no we are just holding her on our skin and wrapping her in blankets." I guess they watch closely the blood sugar levels and babies temp to decide if they should go to NICU if all else is doing good. And guess what! She stayed with us, and never went! She came home on regular schedule, and gained weight beautifully. After a few days at home I realized our prayers had been answered. Although our baby had concerns, we were blessed with all of the doctors, nurses, my mom and medical help that helped her to have a safe arrival and to thrive after birth. My prayers had been answered, just not in the way I had imagined.
Baby #2
Sacrifice, knowledge.
With my second labor I learned about sacrifice. This one was my most challenging one. I was caught of guard and with little to no coping skills. I had planned to have an epidural like my first, but found my self with no time to get one. I had not taken refresher birthing classes and was so unsure if I was in labor until I was about to have the baby that it was all a mad painful rush to the hospital and until the delivery 20 minutes after I got to my room. At one point I thought I might pass out and literally felt like I was being torn in half. After our baby was born I was seriously considering not having any more children. I did not want to go through that again. So my lesson, preparation pays off, knowledge is invaluable. And carry and bring a life into this world is a sacrifice, one that can not be compared to sometimes.
Baby #3
Knowledge, support, belief, rewards of sacrifice, bonding.
Knowing how birth #2 went I prepared ten times more! I took refresher classes for labor, I sought out and hired a doula, I planned for a natural birth knowing i might have no other options.That all payed off big time! The knowledge i had i could draw on when i needed it and it gave me peace as well. The knowledge Amy had blessed me so much as things moved fast we had ideas already in our mind to help and guild us.
Support- knowing someone is there for you and will be by your side with you through the thick of things no matter how ugly things get, washes away so much of the pain and distress we can feel in labor or life. Knowing they are going to do all they can to help you, and wont just stand on the sidelines and watch you struggle.
Belief- Believe that you have been created to give life to these beautiful babies, believe you were created to do hard things. Believe you will be strengthened by God when you are about his work. These beliefs helped me to draw on the courage that I had inside me, and helped me draw strength from God in my most challenging moments.
Sacrifice and bonding- I believe through laboring and feeling all the parts of labor was a sacrifice, and when that little baby came, I bonded instantly with her. In my mind she and I had just given it our all so that she could come and be a part of our family here on earth. It reminded me of our cross country days when we would shed blood sweat and tears together working so hard and then sharing success as a team together. It bonded us so strongly. To me I had just ran the race of my life with these people who supported me and my sweat baby, and it bonds you! I always feel weird just saying goodbye to the nurses, doctors and support staff when it is all over, because i feel bonded with them :) But I believe it was meant to be hard to bond us to our baby and spouse, strengthening our family.
Baby #4
Our Savior is always there. Keep the faith, You are important!
With the pregnancy of baby #4 I pretty much felt broken for the whole pregnancy. I tried to do things to help, but nothing could quite over come the feeling of being broken that I had. It hit me hard at 8 weeks. I remember standing at the top of the stairs in our house and just having a flood of memories of the hard day i had already lived with previous pregnancies and young children with sleepless nights. I all the sudden thought, oh no, I remember this feeling. Feeling exhausted at the start of the day, not being able to remember much, having difficulty managing daily tasks.
Well the good thing is that I made it thought the pregnancy, but the lesson I learned is that I am important, I need to do things that sustain myself, not just enough to get by, or I'll do this for myself once X is taking care of. I need to purposefully and daily nourish my soul. I knew this, but I know it now in a much deeper level. All through the pregnancy I just tried to get by and make it through, but I know now, that I needed to do more. I could not make it through in a healthy way if I did not ask for help, and take time to do what I needed for me.
So now I TRY to get up early so I can take care of myself before my kids get up. At lest that is one of the step I am taking now. But the take away lesson. Make sure I am monitoring my needs and that I am taking time to meet them and ask for help when I need it. This life was not meant to be lived alone, but together, helping each other, loving, strengthening, and sustaining each other.
Believe you are a precious daughter of God, he loves you and wants you to know your worth it!
So second lesson, part way through the labor, I felt like my body was stalling, and all the techniques I had tried to help manage the labor and help it progress were not working, The pain kept increasing and I came to the point where I truly wanted to give up, I was done being brave, I was done trying to listen to my body and follow the signs, I was done trying new things to help the labor progress. I had asked for an epidural about 30 minutes before this, so I was on the bed being monitored, and hooked to the IV and other monitors. But the truth everyone in the room knew was, that was all done to pacify me, I was NOT really going to get an epidural, I was too far along. So here I was frustrated by all the rules and cords and doctor telling what I could and couldn't do. Frustrated by the people trying to encourage me to keep managing. I just started to cry and decided I was done. Time for plan B.
Thing is, in transition when you have a baby to be born there IS NO plan B. So probably about 20- 30 minutes of crying and screaming. I finally decided I better get back on this train, cause there was no other way out.
Now here is the lesson. My Doula was still there by my side, still encouraging me, still caring for me, even when I quit. And she was still there when I finally came back and got back on board. That is like our Savior. He is always there. He never leaves us, even when we turn away. He will be right there when we turn back to him. He will encourage us though our hard times and he is always there. He never walks away from us.
So believe in who you are, stay the course, keep the faith. You will be given power from on high to do things outside our power and ability.
Songs that had an impact on me during this time:Unmaking, fight song, Maker
Miscarriages: Life is precious, God is in control. The power to create life is sacred. Songs that had an impact on me during this time: Peace like a river
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